Workplace Abuse

AI Generated illustrated image reflecting diversity. Stop the Silence on Workplace Abuse

Workplace Abuse

Yes, workplace abuse. Let’s use the words that truly define some of the behaviors that occur in the workplace. There are several forms of abuse. I’ll withhold defining them all here, but if you would like an overview of definitions you can read them here at the Cambridge Dictionary. However, I found the Jed Foundation sums up abuse in one sentence:

“Abuse is when someone uses their behavior or influence over another person to cause harm or to exert power over them, especially when that behavior is repeated regularly.”

I recently wrote an article where I witnessed workplace abuse. This article highlights the abuse I have experienced and witnessed in the workplace. You can read more here: When You See Her.

Often, when we hear or think of the word abuse, we picture women and children at home. However, abuse can happen anywhere — out in public spaces, when you’re shopping, at school, and yes, at the workplace too. The thing about abusive people is that they are not discriminatory about where they abuse. Sometimes it’s subtle. Just because it happens in the community doesn’t mean it isn’t abuse.

I have two in-depth articles on my LinkedIn account where I dive into sexual harassment and retaliation in the workplace: Breaking the Silence: Why Speaking Up Still Comes at a Cost and Workplace Bullying: Unprofessional Behavior in a Professional Environment.

We have all types of abuse — emotional, financial, verbal, psychological, physical, and sexual. There used to be advertisements on the back of city buses. Some of the statements included: “Controlling me is abuse. Stop it!” “Scaring me is abuse. Stop it!” “Verbal abuse is abuse.” Then there would be a number listed for a domestic violence helpline and possibly a website to help people escape. Yet I have never seen a number to help those who are experiencing workplace abuse.

We spend 40 or more hours a week at work — a huge chunk of our waking lives.

Yes, there may be the EEOC, but it really isn’t a solution for the people who need to care for their family right now. It’s a long process where cases are often not taken, and then you still have to find a lawyer who believes you have a case and go through filing and trial. If it’s an extreme case where you’re in imminent danger, you can call 911. Yet none of these options provide an immediate resource to get out of the situation.

We need someone we can call. Why is the victim always the one uprooted? Why is there not a workplace-abuse line where employers are part of a network so we can be sent somewhere else to work immediately? The domestic violence helplines are able to provide victims temporary assistance and sometimes up to two years of housing for those fleeing domestic violence. We could have a similar organization for those needing immediate job placement.

At present, we don’t have these types of resources for immediate relief. Can they be created? I believe they could. Some may feel this is far-fetched or “utopian,” but bringing attention to these matters, breaking the silence, and speaking up is the only way to change things. That means defining it for what it is: workplace abuse.

What do you do when you experience abuse outside the home? The first step is doing what we are doing here — defining it. Calling it what it is. Abuse is abuse. The place where it happens does not make it something different.

Today I read a LinkedIn article where someone shared their experiences with a manager who belittled them in front of the entire office. They described it as a “toxic environment.” Yet what they were describing was emotional and verbal abuse. Using the words “toxic environment” is accurate to an extent. But what do you think when you hear the words “workplace abuse”? The word abuse gives a whole different perspective. While all abuse is toxic, not all toxic environments are abusive.

When we become honest with ourselves and recognize abuse for what it is, we position ourselves to process the trauma and work through it. This is why words are so important!

For example, you can say, “I don’t like the way you are talking to me” or “You’re hurting my feelings.” However, when you say, “You are verbally abusing me. Stop it,” you bring a different level of awareness to the situation. You make a statement that gives the abuser insight into how their behavior is being perceived. This brings attention to the treatment and signals a call to action.

Just telling someone they are hurting your feelings can leave the abuser under the impression that you’re too sensitive. Narcissistic people are inclined to turn the blame back around to you. However, it doesn’t matter if we are “sensitive” if we are in fact being abused. Abuse is never acceptable in any environment.

However, it doesn’t matter if we are “sensitive” if we are in fact being abused.

Let’s be clear: toxic and abusive environments are not always the same. If someone is directly hurting you — verbally, emotionally, financially, physically, or sexually — that is abuse. If you’re in an office with a few gossiping naysayers, that’s just a toxic environment and doesn’t justify calling it abuse. But when those gossipers are in positions of authority and use their behavior to determine your job outcome or continued employment for personal bias, that is abuse.

Identifying and calling out abuse when it is actually abuse moves people to action. For example, reporting to HR that you are being abused versus “someone is hurting my feelings” has a different outcome. Legally, HR must investigate any form of abuse. They are not legally obligated to investigate personality conflicts. This also makes them responsible for potential workers’ compensation claims if you end up out of work for mental health reasons due to the abuse (though that’s a hard fight too and not an immediate resource).

The first step is crucial in determining how you should move forward. The second step is to inform your manager’s manager and human resources. I’m not a lawyer, but from my personal experience, I recommend informing these people in writing. This creates concrete evidence that events were reported. It also ensures your concerns aren’t brushed under the rug. Organizations are legally required to investigate reports of abuse.

Unfortunately, this is where many of us choose to continue working in an abusive environment for financial reasons. That actually leads to the assumption that any abuse in the workplace also extends into financial abuse. When we are abused at work, the fear of losing our livelihood makes us scared to report, quit, or leave.

Did you know that domestic violence shelters and helplines consider financial abuse when determining whether you qualify for assistance? Yes, they absolutely do. You can get help to leave a domestic-violence situation for being financially abused.

“Why don’t we have a more synergistic way out of an abusive workplace?”

Which brings us back to the question: why don’t we have a more synergistic way out of an abusive workplace? In over 20 years of my personal experience, making reports to HR has never resulted in a positive outcome. This leaves us stuck in an unhealthy environment. HR exists to protect the company, not the workers. Their job is to mitigate risk for the company. Keep that at the top of your mind when deciding whether to report.

Then, of course, when we read stories like the one I read on LinkedIn today, everyone comments “just leave.

” We get stuck in a cycle of having to choose between providing for our basic needs or possibly becoming homeless.

While those may seem like two extremes, they are the reality. In today’s challenging and competitive job market, we don’t know how long it will take to obtain new employment. Even trying to have an immediate position lined up can take significant time. A decade ago, if we left an employer today, we could walk into a place tomorrow and have a basic position. That is no longer an option.

Why are victims always expected to leave?

This leaves victims in a situation where they either allow the abuse to occur or risk their livelihood. Why are victims always expected to leave? If abuse happens in the home, we have to leave. When you call the domestic-abuse helpline, you’re offered emergency shelter. While this is great in theory, it promotes a cycle of upending the victim’s life. If abuse happens in the workplace, we also have to leave. But there’s no one to call for immediate relief or job placement.

Can we create an organization to call? Who says, “Okay, come on over, we have a job placement for you. We can start you at work tomorrow?”

• Why isn’t the abuser ever told they need to leave?

• Why don’t abusers have to go through the challenges of finding a new home or new job?

While blacklists are illegal, there should be a list of workplace abusers. Just as we have registries for sexual offenders, we should also have registries for abusers.

• Why isn’t the abuser left homeless or in shelters?

• Why isn’t the abuser held accountable and forced to go through therapy before re-entering the workplace?

It’s something to think about. What have been your experiences? What are your thoughts about it? What can we do about it?

Lovingly Me,

Annie Marie